accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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