It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
