I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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