If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
