I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
