Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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