I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
