He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
