I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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