I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
