About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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