If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
