Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
