we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
