I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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