Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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