I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
