I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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