im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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