let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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