i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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