Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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