You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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