at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
