Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
