yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
