A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
