Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
