i just had sex bonerless
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
