I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
