I am spending my child support on dildos
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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