He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
