i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
