thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
