I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
as a side note pls kill me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
