I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
