It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
