People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
