She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She even gives head with a lisp.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
