Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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