everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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