Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
