somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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