biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
