i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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