I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
