my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
