I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
