it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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