bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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