She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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