I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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