do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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