dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am available for nakedness
how drunk are you?
Several
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
