I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
