You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
